Patricia
School is over, and I'm about to join my pack for a late hunt. I'm still hurt by the events that unfolded in the cafeteria, including my run-in with Dior, yet I'm trying to stay positive and focus on nature.
I fold my clothes behind some bushes. The weather is brisk, and autumn has brought in blazing colors such as red and yellow, making it seem like the ground is burning.
Smiling at the cold, I sharpen my ears at the sound of voices. Gloria and Riley are both giggling at me and gossiping like usual.
Riley, the pretty girl with doe-eyes, is currently dating Dior.
And for some stupid reason, she hates me. I think she has mistranslated my hatred for her boyfriend as me interested in him, which is laughable.
I'm certain Dior will be mated to Riley-they deserve each other.
"Hey, Patty," Riley walks up to me, her arms folded underneath her firm, tiny breasts. The fact that I have bigger ones gives me sick satisfaction. I'm curvy, whereas Riley is all skinny perfection. "Are you sure that you want to go hunting with the rest of the pack tonight? Your plus-size legs will only slow us down."
Gloria snickers at her friend's cruel words, and I shudder at the idea of Riley possibly turning into my future luna. The girl deserves to be called the b-word.
Sighing, I open my mouth to speak. "Shouldn't you be more worried about your boyfriend tonight instead of harassing me? I heard Dior is turning eighteen later this week."
Riley sticks her nose into the air. Her eyelashes are fanning in the wind, and her heels are so high she can barely stand.
"Dior's birthday is none of your business, fatty-it's not like the moon goddess would pick you as his mate either way. Everyone knows I was born to become his luna! We are meant to be!"
I snort. "I could think of no crueler fate than becoming mates with your boyfriend-Dior was born with venom instead of blood in his veins. And I bet he eats children for lunch. He is truly evil."
Riley gasps. "How dare you say that about your alpha!"
Ignoring Riley, I burst into my wolf form. As a wolf, I might be smaller than everyone else, but I'm more than ready to get some freedom in my legs.
"How dare you ignore me?!" Riley screams. "Don't you shape-shift on me, you slut!"
Again, I ignore Riley.
With building anticipation, I dig my claws into the ground, freezing when a pair of massive paws stops in front of mine. They are white like snow, and I silently peer up, folding my ears back at the view of Dior observing me in his wolf form.
The wind is behind him, blowing colorful leaves along with his long fur to the side. Like always, those penetrating blue eyes aren't giving me a break. If doom had a face, it would look like Dior.
'If it isn't plus-size, herself,' His teeth are showing, and I remark his pink gums. His face is twisted in disgust as if I'm a pest in his house. 'Did you roll your way here tonight?'
I grit my teeth at the white wolf, not afraid to challenge my alpha. I'm set on leaving this pack anyway and snarl without a sense of fear, shocking Dior to the point he stands there blinking.
I mimic his tone, bitter and cold. 'Well, well, if it isn't stone heart himself. Broken any hearts tonight? Or perhaps you caught another STD to add to your book? I've heard my alpha changes girl faster than he does his underwear.'
Those blue eyes widen to the size of saucers. Disapproval is radiant on Dior's face like he can't believe his omega ridiculed him. Seconds pass, and eventually, I huff at the giant wolf, self-confident, until Dior turns to the others.
'We aren't hunting for small pray tonight,' Dior announces in a voice cut off from human emotion and turns to me with a feral glint in his eye. 'Our omega needs to be taught a lesson-whoever catches her will be rewarded.'
Our pack members howl in excitement like oversized huskies while anxiety wrecks in my brain. My heart is beating a mile per minute as I'm trying to understand what is going on.
'My pack will chase me like a rabbit?' I ask.
'Yes, you will get a five-minute lead, so you better run.'
After Dior has spoken, I waste no second. I dash out into the forest, aware of the entertained howls behind me. Fierce determination is pumping through my skull, and I lift my nose to the stars, seeking guidance.
Try to think of a plan, Patricia!
I'm not fast on my feet, and I probably can't outrun my pack members, but I have a brain while the only other person in my pack with a glimmer of intelligence is Dior.
I can outsmart the rest.
With my head working on overdrive, I take a right turn, following the canopies until I reach a cliff. With brimming hesitation, I stare down into the pothole, grimacing at my inner voice telling me this is my only chance of winning this game of cat and mouse.
'Where did she go?'
'I think I caught her scent!'
Adrenaline is coursing through my veins as I shape-shift into a human, aware of my nearby pack members. My hair falls over my shoulders, and I shudder at the cold biting my naked skin.
"You can do this!"
With my arms crossed over my chest to hide my hardened nipples, I approach the cliff and climb down to the sound of running wolves.
There is a cave right below the cliff, and as I stand at the opening, I throw wet mud over my skin, hoping it will hide my scent. I rub some into my hair, not afraid of getting myself dirty.
When I'm all set, I venture into the cave. I doubt my pack members will find me, and I sit down on the first rock I see. The cold stings my bare ass, and I swear under my breath.
"So cold!"
It's Dior's fault that I have to hide-what is his problem?
The guy has hated me since kindergarten. We both fell in love with the same spade and bucket and ended up wrestling on the ground. Since I'm older than him, I won, and little Dior cried his eyes out. I stuck out my tongue, and that marked us as enemies.
I play with my feet, bending my neck when I hear a sound coming from deeper inside the cave. It picks my interest, and I suppress a scream when a giant bear enters my field of vision.
The bear isn't a normal one-it looks like it's been raised from the dead! Its eyes are blazing red, and there are scars and visible bones on its body. A putrid stink of rotten flesh follows the creature, and I hold my breath, wondering if I'm hallucinating.
I blink once to try that concept, shrieking when the creature lunges for me. With panic flaring in my chest, I avoid the enormous claws coming for me. The bear growls, and I run for the entrance, stopping once I spot a white wolf.
Fear slashes through me, and I wonder where to turn. Dior glares at me before lifting his head to observe the bear. Surprise seems to flash in his eyes, and then he jumps-I cover, but the wolf rushes past me. My eyes instinctively open to the sound of another growl, and I gasp at the scene of Dior battling the enormous bear.
'What the hell is this creature?' Dior's voice rings inside my mind. 'It doesn't look normal!'
'I don't know!'
'Shit!' Dior growls, turning his head. His wolf is monstrous, but the bear is even more prominent. 'Get out of the cave, Patricia! Find the others! Our pack is too far away for me to reach them through the mind-link!'
I stare at Dior, jumping when the bear attacks him. Huge claws slash through his hind leg, and there are loud whimpers before Dior snaps at the bear. Dior is powerful, but I'm not blind-right now, he is outmatched.
Dior is halting forward, trying to bite the bear, but it's futile. The enormous creature smacks him into the cave wall, roaring in triumph. I'm confident Dior broke a few bones, and I witness blood drip out of his mouth while his blue eyes are locked on the bear.
I have to help him!
Without thinking things through, I shape-shift and throw myself at the bear, biting into its backside. A fury I can't recognize burns my senses, and I crunch so hard that I can feel my teeth. The bear cries in torture, and Dior joins the party, biting the bear until, suddenly, the creature blows up in smoke.
I'm panting, eyeing Dior as he shape-shifts. White fur gets replaced by skin, and I glare at the annoyingly handsome guy. Even bruised, the guy is hot, although it pains me to admit it.
"My leg is broken..." Dior grimaces at the bone sticking out. He tries moving it, only to grit his teeth at the pain. "Fuck-heal already!"
I tilt my head, trying hard to ignore that the guy is sitting there buck naked. He is tall with his chest looking like lined up cobblestones.
'Swearing won't speed up the recovery process.'
"No shit, Sherlock!" Dior is inhaling through his gritted teeth. "But I should be healing already! Alphas have much faster recovery time!"
'Something might have been up with that bear. It carried this smell of unnatural sources.'
"Yes, it reeked of magic!" Dior is in agony, and that's when I determine I might dislike the guy but can't let him die.
Sighing, I turn into a human and walk over to Dior with my eyes strictly glued to his wound. I have to be extra careful around him and empty all my thoughts. It would kill me if he knew I found him incredibly attractive-I would rather die than see his satisfaction.
Because while Dior might have been blessed with broad shoulders, tallness, and the genes of an angel, his personality is devilish. Kindness rarely shows on his face, and those blue eyes are colder than my mean grandma Sally's soul.
"Make no mistake-I still hate your guts, but you're still a person," I briefly meet Dior's bewildered eyes, then lift a rock to uncover a first-aid kit hiding behind it.
Dior narrows his eyes. "You come here often?"
"This cave used to be my hideout." I'm stopping the bleeding on Dior's wound with a compress. "But now that you know about this place, I will no longer come back here."
Dior's shoulder stiffens, and an icy wave of dread slips over me like a blanket when he turns his head. His neck is slightly bent, and the regular frost in his gaze is there, mocking me from under his mop of stupid, sweaty black hair. He is gorgeous, eye-candy for most, but the way he looks at me got the skin peeling off my bones.
I clench my jaw, locking my gaze with the forging natural disaster that is Dior Lavigne. And like always, I know I will come out a little exhausted and bruised from the silent war waging between us.
Dior's lips part. "I find you extremely annoying."
"What a nice thing to say to someone loyal enough to stay by your side!"
"True. That is rather surprising coming from you, and in return, I will tell the rest of the pack to keep the bullying at a minimum."
I snort. "That's not enough."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't deserve to be treated like shit within my pack, and therefore, I'm leaving." My heart clenches with the longing for freedom. "I, Patricia Goldheart, no longer have faith in my alpha and will abandon the Winterbite pack."
Dior stares at me. "You can't do that!"
He grabs my arm as if to keep me from leaving, but I scratch at his fingers. My impending glare narrows on his face, and bitterness comes out through my mouth.
"For an entire year, I've put up with you calling me names, and honestly, I think I liked the non-popular Dior more than I do the present one. Your pretty face has made you forget what it's like being on the bottom of the food chain, and I'm sick and tired of you calling me 'big Patty' whenever I serve myself a second portion of food in the cafeteria."
With my nose in the air and my heart leading me forward, I approach the cave entrance. Dior's eyes are like a weight on my shoulder, and I turn around, not bothered by my nakedness.
"This is me." My smile is hiding the hurt curling inside of me. "And I make no apology for it."
Dior looks me up and down, his face mirroring emotions I can't understand. His eyelashes are thick, touching his cheeks every time he blinks. Dior's lips part, but there isn't a sound coming out, and I sigh, disappointed he doesn't know how to give me an apology.
"Goodbye, Dior."
***
I drag my feet forward, intent on dying in my bed as soon as I get home.
Since I'm not rich, I still live with my parents. I'm moving out next year, thank god for that, because my parents aren't supportive of me at all. They are Dior's brainwashed pawns, clueless about the deep hatred I hold for their beloved alpha.
As expected, my mother, Elena, is already waiting by the door as I walk across our garden covered with red and brown oak leaves. She is wearing a white blouse and black pants. An apron is slung over her shoulder, and her glare is intense.
I know without asking that she has discovered the latest rumor that I left the pack to become a rogue. Her expression says it all and does nothing to hide her inner rage.
"Patricia!" Disappointment is radiant on my mother's face, and her nostrils flare with disapproval. With her dark hair and heart-shaped face, we look like clones. "How dare you leave the pack! Do you have any idea what it means to be a rogue? You haven't even found your mate yet! Who will protect you?!"
With bitterness, I walk right past her. I take off my shoes, knowing her eyes are glaring me down. She is taller than me, but I'm not frightened, and I will never apologize for standing up for myself and leaving my omega life behind. I'm done being bullied.
"Patricia, are you ignoring me?!"
I walk into our kitchen, aware of my mother following me. Without a care in the world, I take out a Pepsi from the fridge. I thought I would be a mess after leaving my old pack, but without Dior's voice inside my head, bubbles of joy are soaring up to my throat.
Today will be my rebirth.
And tomorrow, I will be a little stronger.
"PATRICIA!"
I finally turn around, meeting my mother's glare. Her fingernails have turned into claws, and I smile. She has never been good at hiding her anger, which is one of her flaws.
"I heard you the first time."
"Why did you leave the pack?!"
"I'm tired of the werewolf life," I tell my mother fiercely. "We have too many rules, too many rankings, and incredible discrimination among our kind. After I've graduated from upper secondary school, I want to design wedding cakes-not howl at the new moon."
My mother's eyes narrow. "Patricia, you can't run away from what you are, and leaving the pack is the stupidest decision you've ever made! You're no longer protected by the alpha and have turned yourself into a target for witches and vampires seeking a new toy!"
Sorrow wrecks my senses when I peer into my mother's worried eyes. Her anger has been replaced by concern, and I tilt my head, trying to offer her my most reassuring smile.
"I'm not good at being a werewolf." My voice is calm, and my words are the truth. "Unlike all those heroines in the various werewolf books I've read, I'm not secretly a princess sheltering hidden powers. Neither will I hit the mountains to train and become unexplainably strong. I'm only Patricia-please accept me for who I am. My pack couldn't do that, but you're not only a werewolf; you're also my mother."
My mother opens her mouth, then closes it again with a hundred words written on her round face, but her sad expression tells me she won't act upon them.
"I take great pride in my role as the alpha's advisor." Her words break my heart, yet I stand tall. "You know I can't risk everything-I've worked hard for this, Patricia."
"I understand." I fucking don't, but werewolf logic runs deeper than blood, it seems.
"And..." She hesitates, glancing away in shame, and my heart succumbs to nothing before she even utters her sentence because I know what will come out through her mouth. "I can't shelter a rogue, Patricia-you know it's against the rules."
I blink multiple times until I finally break and laugh as a broken record played on repeat. "You're all insane-werewolves are sick in the head, and all these rules are ridiculous!"
"Patricia..."
"No!" I shout, with tears falling down my cheeks. Our bridges are burning down. I can feel it in my bones. Right now, I'm standing in the ashes of our daughter and mother bond. "Don't explain yourself after you chose a stranger instead of your daughter! How could you do this to me? All of you werewolves are nutcases!"
"But you're a werewolf too..."
"Yes, I am! But if you and Dior were hanging from the side of a mountain, waiting to be saved, I would rush to your aid first because you are my family! You're my mother!"
"Patricia..."
My mother is wearing her heart on her sleeve, showing the inner battle against her motherly instincts and the werewolf ones. The latter is winning, though, and my shredded heart bleeds.
"I will take my leave."
Shocks seep into her features when I walk into the hallway. Every part of me is hurting, and every movement is heavy. I'm losing my grasp of reality, and deep inside, I'm hoping this is an awful nightmare.
A headache throws inside my skull as I bend down. I'm busy putting on my shoes when words return to my mother.
"But shouldn't you head upstairs and pack your stuff?" She asks. "You will need clothes and clean underwear."
I glare at her. "No, I want nothing to do with you-keep my stuff. I will figure something out."
My mother shed a single tear, but I'm out through the door before she has time to break me further. I'm too proud to let her see me cry, and she sure as hell doesn't deserve my tears.
I rush between the trees in our backyard, shape-shifting without caring about my clothes. They rip and turn into broken strings, and I shake my fur before darting into the forest.
With my sadness ripping through me like a storm, I let it carry me past trees and rocks I've never seen before. Leaves are hurdling down from the sky, and I jump over sticks and stones.
How could my mother do this to me?
And why is Dior always the cause of my misery?
He is a goddamn curse!
Furiously, I pick up speed and dart past the river. I've never run this far before, and I'm aware this isn't Winterbite territory. The hills from here belong to another pack, yet I'm not afraid.
I keep running, allowing large flakes of snow to land on my nose. I've always been drawn to winter and its light colors. Christmas is my favorite holiday, and I love those cheesy movies about finding true love under the mistletoe.
My heart cracks at realizing it will never happen to me.
In a perfect world, I would be with someone already. I'm nineteen and haven't felt the mate-bond, meaning my mate probably doesn't live in the same town, or they are under the age of eighteen.
Damn, I wish to find them. Hopefully, my mate is sweet as sugar, someone whose smile can light up this entire town. I want to share my cookie dough with a smiling face and build a future with a gentle soul.
All the girls find that floating, sweet and addicting super-love in the romance books-I want that emotion too, but instead of riding the wave, I want to drown and coat my senses with love. I so badly want to experience my insides filled with bubbly, hot chocolate.
And my kind is known for having a unique mate, someone hand-picked only for you by the moon goddess. But considering my luck, mine probably ran into a bus and died.
Loneliness wrecks me until I hear a recognizable howl-Dior is calling for me, but I won't head his way. I will never be his little omega again. It's time I focused on myself.